Religious are people too!

This is kind of my story, I guess, and I have a porpuse with it. My dream is to be able to publish a book about the subject, about my life... But that is to risky, and people might end up being hurt. Thats the fact with this blogg as well, but I have taken my precatiouns. This is a story about me and my girlfriend, and it contains delicate details about our lives together that would make my life and her life much more difficult than it needs to be if it was to end up in the wrong hands. Thats how it is to live two lives, one private, secret life and one in public. The boundaries have allready been moven, and we've taken risks I consider being to big, but I can't tell her she can't make those steps. She needs support elsewhere also, and I am glad that ended up as the result (thats a whole other story).

She is never going to know about this blogg, I can't risk it, and I don't want to hurt her. But I need to adress this issue, so let it be anonomous. Some of you might know who the real me is, but you are either people I trust, or people who don't have a direct influence on my life. Even though, I am thankfull for your support and I trust you to keep this a secret. I would never post this in my mother tongue, but my girlfriend doess not speak english well enough to understand, so thats why I can do this. Well, enough with the disclaimber, now onto the real topic at hand.

As many of you might now, I have been dating a christian girl for well over a year and a half now. She is simply wonderful, and I love her to the deepest of my heart. And this, this is my story:

We meet online, on a norwegian social network site. She was the one writing me, and I was allmost instantly moved by her charm, and somewhat childish way of writing. But she had a charming touch to her, and she turned out to be a mystery. Being burned by earlier experiences, and by noticing that she claimed that she was christian, I stated early on that I was an atheist. Her answer was satisfying... She said that nobody knew what was true, and that everyone should be able to believe what they wanted to believe.

At my suprise, she did want to meet me after a few letters, I think it was three of four. Anyways, it was early, and I halted abit, I teased. Pretended I didn't notice, and I did answer the rest of her letter with the most effort. We ended up meeting after quite a short while, and the first day we spendt 10 hours together, speaking without pause even though we went trough 2 movies and a dinner that day. I had hit it, I had found someone who meet my deepest desires... But the whole idea that she was christian halted me... I asked about homosexuality and abortion, and by the answers, I figured I was safe... I had no Idea how wrong I was... Even though, she still is the best person I've ever meet, and she still is.

She told me the name of the church she belonged to, but I didn't know much about it. In norwegian, their called "laestadianere"... in USA, their called Old Apostolic Lutheran Church.I had never really heard about them before, and by her appairence, I guessed that they where quite liberal... Again, I had no idea how wrong I was... And piece by piece, it came to me how extreme this is. The wikipedia article sums it up quite good, really: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Firstborn_Laestadianism

I eventually found out that she had grown up without television, that music, theatre, dancing and alot of other things was concidered sin. Of course sex was as well... And eventually, I found out that some of them didn't even freaking KISS before they married... I guess I was in a state of confusion and disbelief, I couldn't be true... Not here in norway. We are educated, secular... no such thing could exist here? Guess what, wrong once more. But I was lost, I was madly in love with this girl. And to sum it up, predating her ever knowing me, she had made a list, wich she decided to share with me... a list of the qualities she wished the man of her dreams would have... Reading trough it, I found that I missed out on three posts out of 2 full pages written in 12 point Times new roman... I was practicly just what she had wanted her entire life... the 3 posts was "he can not be a party boy, no alcohol and no tobacco", "He can't be too skinny or fat (not that it matters to much, but hey, its the man of my dreams" and "he has to share my faith".

It was so absurd... That summer, I had made my decition to go against tradition and marry secular in a humanist ceremony. Now I had begun dating a sect-member... Life is surely a mystery... To make a story short, I decided to take it slow, and I still remember the amazing feeling of holding her hand for the first time. I grabbed it as we was crossing the street, and I didn't let go afterwards... Not before we had reached where I lived... That day she gave me the best hug I've ever had. It was her way of telling me that she wanted me...

Two days later, we went to a picnic, in the woods where my parents live... The day before this, she made it clear in an e-mail that we could only be friends. And I was devistated, but I felt that I had to tell her that I had fallen in love with her anyways... So I decided to do so... We talked in the forest... Talked for hours. We talked about faith, and she impressed me about how well she understood me, how well she could see that others had different opinions. Looking back, it was probably fueled by her emotions for me, but nontheless, it was wonderful... After our conversation, I desided to tell her, reminding her of the fact that I had told her I had something I wanted to tell her. I had mentioned it before, just to push me to do it. We lay beside each other, and I was disrupted by her phone calling... Her best friend, and she spent some time talking to her before hanging up... Then I told her that I had fallen in love with her, and the reaction was so strong I am never going to forget it. We ended up lying in the woods, hugging and talking for hours... It was late when we returned, so she disided to stay for the night at my parents. They have a large house, so I offered her her own room, and I voulentered to sleep on the couch.

She could choose between being alone in her own room, or have me on the other bed in that room. She wanted me with her, and I was so happy I can't even describe it... She wen't to the bathroom, and came back with her night dress on. She was originally going to sleep at her friends place, so she had her night clothes with her... She fell down to the bed, and as I was going to the other bed, she wanted a good night hug. When we hugged, she dragged me down to the bed. Suprised, I followed, and she had me lay down beside her... We started cuddling, and we did that for hours. Eventually, I asked if it was OK for me to kiss her, so silent I hoped she didn't hear it... But she did, and she said yes... I didn't quite make it out, so I asked her again to conform... She really said yes, even though she had told me in the forrest that this would't work out, even though that she had fallen in love with me as well. We kissed, and I remember that it wasn't really a good kiss... The following day on the buss, (I was dead tired, I guess we sleept 2 hours that night) she told me something that made me understand why... Even though she was 18 years old and stunningly beautifull, she had never kissed before... I was allmost shocked, but it was true.

Well, the month after that is kind of a blurr, and it went back and forth the whole summer really... until we finaly figured out that we was a couple during a trip to my family hut. Nobody knew about us until her best friend learned about our relationship after 3 or 4 months or so... She thought up to that time that we where only friends. (The girl she was going to sleep over at, when she ended up with me that night). We told her parents about us some time after 6 months... I have never really been so afraid my whole life as I was that day, and with good reason. And by that time, I had taken her virginity as well. (I have to state this early on: I've never forced her to do anything at all. Even though I think her beliefs are destructive, I am not going to force mine upon her... I've never done anything with her without knowing that she doess in fact want it... And that day I asked her if she wanted me to buy condoms... She smiled and nodded, and she has made a habbit out of making it clear when she dissagrees with something...) I ended up talking to her parents, or rather her dad for hours... he is a minister, to make the whole thing more complicated. He told me of his old life, when he used to go to parties and such, and that he became christian when he understood that he, by his actions and even thoughts, had contributed in the killing of Jesus...

I was rendered speechless, and I can assure you... that doessn't happen alot. And even though they acted polite against me, they fought with what they could to talk her into leaving me... And they allmost suceeded several times. Now, they have given up, and they like me even, at least as a person. Even though the fact that I am not christian will allways torment them... And to be hounest, I like them. It's kind of scary, but the whole concept of their faith is really based upon being ashamed about who they are, and repenting being human! I went to a huge assemble in Oslo, and I witnessed hundreds of grown up people crying... crying like when at a funeral over being humans. Grown ups crying becouse they have a bad conscience for being human! It's awfull, and its so full of pain! These people are slaves of their own mind... My point of this whole post is to put things into perspective... even though I have fought these people for a long time, I don't hate them... I feel so sorry for them... they go trough life feeling bad for being humans, denying themselves of every pleasure, everything that can take focus away from a "loving" God so that they can avoid further torment in hell! It's not salvation, it's a curse! And it's a curse I hope I can help my girlfriend see trough! Don't hate people like this, I know these people now, and they are like you and me. They have dreams, hopes, they have jobs, they care for their friends and their families and loved ones... They have interests and desires! But they are under a terrible curse... Try not to blame them, try to educate them! And please, do what you can to improve educational systems around this planet, so that children can escape this curse before its to hard to unlearn it! I beg of you, I plead! nobody deserves the amount of pain these wonderfull people are going trough!